Week 2 = Goals Met!

Yep, this is the second week of my "self improvement" (aka - trying to regain and maintain my sanity) and I have met my goals both weeks! The requirements are getting slightly more difficult, but I think I can handle it. I have a bag of neatly wrapped sexy panties and a box of fun make-ups to choose from each week that I meet my goals so I am pretty motivated!

Anyway, here the next picture I would like to talk about:

At the time of this picture I was in awe. I took this photo because when I saw this waterfall it was truly the most beautiful thing (at the time...possibly due to some mind altering substances) that I had ever seen. I couldn't take my eyes from it. I was standing in front of this waterfall not caring that I was with a group of people who were ready to move on or that I was probably looking rather dumb and disproportionately engrossed with the sight. This is quite a feat for me - I have been trained since the day of my birth to be aware of others needs and avoid upsetting others or even bringing attention to myself in any way. But here I didn't worry about such things as I typically do. Here I simply enjoyed the moment. I also realized that I love water. I love the way it flows, the way it feels, the way it reacts to the environment. Whenever I see a work of art that has water flowing in or on it in some way I have always yearned to feel it and touch it. It holds special meaning for me.

I do not have many memories of my childhood, but each one that I do have is very important to me. Perhaps because I remember so little... When I was younger I would frequently get in trouble because I would take too long in the shower. "You should never need more than two minutes tops to do what needs to be done in there!" I was told. But I only recently remembered why I loved the shower and the reason I wanted as much time as possible in that small space. I had forgotten that in the shower I was a powerful Goddess! I ruled the water and bent it to do my will. With a flick of my wrists I sent searing droplets against my enemies, my hair had a life of it's own with the power of the waters flow, and my body was caressed by the hot wetness in a way that made me feel beautiful. But most importantly, with one backward step, I ceased to exist in the world of solids. I was one with the water, melding with it as my tears ran in small streams to the larger puddle at my knees.

I am thankful that I have this memory, even as I type it is difficult to keep my eyes dry. My tears gave me power then, but do they do the same now? I have a multitude of coping mechanisms that saved my life as a child, but they are not effective now. Now I CAN feel instead of turning off. I don't have to cry in an attempt to dissolve  into the world around me. I can feel. I should feel. I don't want to, but it is no longer needed for me to turn off. After all, no one can hurt a Goddess.